The persons & events
in this story are fictitious. Any similarity to
actual persons or events is unintentional.
ABE & MOE
AHMED: I hate to break it to you, but you've got a lousy undercover
MOHAMMED: Tell me about it! I wish it had the same all-American ring
to it as your name -- A-H-M-E-D!
AHMED: Right... So why don't we pick ourselves some tried-and-true,
red-white-and-blue American names? Like, I don't know . . . Arthur
MOHAMMED: Macarthur is not a real name and I don't like the way you're
MOHAMMED: (Holding up his jeans). How about Levi and Strauss?
AHMED: (Laughs) Did you just make it up? Honestly, I never heard sillier
names in my life.
AHMED: (Holding up the book) We need some well-known names. Like Moby
MOHAMMED: I didn't know Dick was a person's name.
AHMED: (Holds up the portrait) Or Fine then. How about Abraham and
MOHAMMED: That's a great beard. Just like what Mullah Abdullah had
in the camp. I love it.
MOHAMMED: Isn't he one of the true believers?
AHMED: No, he's just an infidel with a beard -- But he sure got a
famous name. I'd like to be Abraham.
AHMED: But Americans are so lazy, they shorten their names to one
syllable. They say Abraham as Abe!
MOHAMMED: Well, how do you shorten Mohammed to one syllable?
AHMED: Moe? I think...
MOHAMMED: Good. Now we both have tried-and-true, red-white-and-blue
AHMED & MOHAMMED: (Together) Abe and Moe!