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Saddam's Doubles

The Iraqi Security Chief summons all 200 of Saddam Hussein's look alikes and says,
"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, Saddam Hussein has survived the US air strike. The bad news is, he lost an arm."


Saddam Hussein's Chauffer

Saddam is riding in his limo in the Iraqi countryside when there is a sudden bump and the limo stops. The chauffer gets out, walks around the car and reports to Saddam:
"I just killed a pig. I think it came from that peasant's hut by the road."
So Saddam tells him to go and tell the peasant that he is Saddam Hussein's chauffer and that he just killed the pig and that the peasant must be happy because it really is a big honor, to have a pig killed by the president's limo.
The chauffer goes inside the hut and disappears. About an hour later he returns very drunk, smoking a cigar, and looking extremely happy.
"What happened there?" asks Saddam.
"I went inside, I said what you told me to say, and the peasant hugged me and thanked me, and threw a party in my honor and gave me this cigar."
"And what exactly did you tell him?"
"I said 'I'm Saddam Hussein's chauffer and I just killed the pig!'"


Saddam's UN Weapons Inspection Dance

By Ollie Abbot.
Based on cartoon by Vince O'Farrell of Wallongong, Australia


Saddam Questions and Answers

Q. What's Arabic for "George Bush -- leader of the free world"?
A. "George Bush -- mother of all presidents!"

Q. What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A. They both have Kurds in their Whey.

Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.

Q: What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
A: You shout out, "B-52"

Q: Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking?
A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?

Q: What's the new Royal Iraqi Air Force exercise program?
A: Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.

Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system?
A: A refund.

Q: Who is an Iraqi Hero?
A: He's the one that waited thirty seconds before he surrendered.

Q: What did Saddam Hussein have in common with his father?
A: Neither knew when to pull out!

Q: What will be Saddam Hussein's last words?
A: "Mother was never good in battles, anyway."

Q: How many Iraqi's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four. One to screw in the light bulb. One to claim that they've actually screwed in 300 light bulbs. One to claim that they've unscrewed 150 American light bulbs. And one to claim that they're screwing and unscrewing light bulbs for the Palestinians.

Good news: Saddam Hussein is living on borrowed time.
Bad news: It was borrowed from a failed savings and loan.

Good news: Saddam Hussein will face war crimes trial.
Bad news is, the trial will be held before the Senate Ethics Committee.


War on Hussein

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy O'Hara up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next-door neighbor Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub -- that makes eight!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have a million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorrah!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."
Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have sixteen thousand tanks, fourteen thousand armoured personnel carriers, and my army has increased to two million men since we last spoke."
"... hell!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right, Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "We've had a look at the Geneva Convention, all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."


Hussein & Bush

Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said, "George, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it was beautiful and on top of every building, there was a beautiful banner."
Bush asked, "What was on the banner?"
Saddam responded, "It said Allah is God, and God is Allah."
Bush said, "You know, Saddam, I'm really glad you called, because last night I had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more beautiful than before the war. It had been completely rebuilt, and on every building there was also a beautiful banner."
Saddam said, "What was on the banner?"
Bush replied, "I really don't know. I don't read Hebrew."


Iraqi banking

An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check.
"That's humiliation," shouts the Iraqi, "why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!"
The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head.
After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, "Tell me why you didn't sign the check the first time but signed it later on?"
The Iraqi said, "You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it."


What did they expect?

A lot of the Iraqi troops surrendered when, instead of the foot soldiers they were expecting, American tanks rolled in. Didn't anybody tell 'em that Americans never walk anywhere they can drive?


Saddam Hussein's law degree

Do you know how Saddam Hussein got his law degree? He was accompanied by two heavily armed guards into the examination room. It wasn't cheating, it was a demonstration of Saddam 's excellent understanding of Iraqi law.


A ransom note

Anonymous note, dropped down a bunker ventilation shaft somewhere near Baghdad:

Dear Saddam,

We have your Army.

If you ever want to see it again, put $200 billion in small bills in a truck (several trucks, actually) and send them on the road to Basra. We will find them.


Saddam's Bumper Stickers

I Kurds

"My Army invaded Kuwait and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker"

"Quit honking! I'm retreating as fast as I can"

"Shi'ites happen"

"If you don't like the way I reign get out of small, neighboring countries"

"Lose Kuwait now! Ask me how"

"If you're right and own a uranium refining plant, I'm single"

"If you can read this you're probably with the 1st Airborne"

"Bomb me, I need the insurance"


Russian Tactics

The problem with the Iraqi army is that they were using Russian defense tactics:

1. Engage the enemy.
2. Draw him into your territory.
3. Wait until winter sets in.


Saddam's vacation plans

Saddam Hussein, curious to see how his newly implemented decree allowing Iraqis to travel abroad for the first time in years heads down to the passport office. Once there he joins the line. One after another the passport seekers ahead of him insist that President Saddam take their place. Very quickly he has moved to the head of the line and he is dealing with the clerk. The clerk issues President Saddam his passport with lightning speed. The president thanks the clerk, then turns around to discover that all those in line behind him have vanished without a trace. Saddam turns back to the clerk and asks what has happened. "Simple," says the clerk, "if you leave Iraq, no else has to."


Surrender?

Bush: "Do you surrender?"
Hussein: "I HAVE NOT YET BEGUN TO FIGHT!"
Bush: "Yeah, we noticed. That's why we asked."


Palestinian Homeland

Officials at the United Nations have announced that a choice parcel of real estate will soon be unoccupied, and will be available to become an official homeland for a Palestinian state. Eviction proceedings against the current occupant have already begun, and are now expected to be completed shortly.

According to the UN spokesperson; the parcel, situated between Kuwait and Syria, may be considered to be an ideal location for the foundation of a homeland for a Palestinian State.

Officials from the PLO and other Palestinian support organizations were not available for comment.


Top Ten Signs Saddam Hussein Is Getting Nervous

10. Recently he seems less "bloodthirsty" and more "murderous"

9. Every time the doorbell rings, he yells, "Incoming!"

8. At dinner, can only finish half a gazelle

7. Ebert-sized sweat marks on his fatigues

6. Has had his mustache bulletproofed

5. Panicked after realizing he might not be around to see who wins on "The Bachelor"

4. Too fidgety to sit still for his monthly gigantic portrait

3. Canceled his "Victory Over The Great Satan" party

2. Has started making bad decisions, like betting on the Knicks

1. He's taking Zoloft along with his Cipro


Top Ten Saddam Hussein Campaign Promises

10. Will guide Iraq forward into the eleventh century

9. More money spent on the arts, specifically flattering portraits of Saddam Hussein

8. Will hold regular "town hall" meetings, followed by "town hall" tortures and executions

7. Less talk, more rock

6. An anthrax-infected chicken in every pot!

5. Switch from intimidating beret to humorous "Lordy Lordy I'm Over Forty" baseball cap

4. I'll paint any camel for $99.99

3. Ah, what the hell -- mustaches for everybody!

2. Sunday night "Sex and the City" marathon at the palace

1. To restore decency and integrity to the office of tyrannical, murderous dictator


Saddam Hussein's Summer Fun Tips

10. Never store fireworks too close to your hidden cache of chemical weapons.

9. Ladies, turn heads at the beach with a skimpy two-piece veil.

8 When it comes to hot dogs, mustard bad, mustard gas good.

7. Your beret makes a great spur-of-the-moment frisbee.

6. When barbecuing, wear hilarious apron that reads: "Kiss the chef or you will be put to death."

5. Thursdays are always half-price at "Wacky Saddam's Family Water Park."

4. Enjoy the cooling breeze from your soldiers waving their flags of surrender.

3. Wet mustache contest!

2. Mix one part iced tea with one part lemonade, pour into large punch bowl, and use to drown your enemies.

1 Two words: camouflage speedo.


Ways Saddam Hussein Celebrated His Last Birthday

10. Went to Disney's new "Animal Kingdom" and beat a moose to death

9. While holding wrapped present, exclaimed, "It feels like a beret!"

8 Admired his FTD "Wish You Were Dead" bouquet from President Bush

7. Listened as citizens of Baghdad sang "Happy Birthday"

6. Watched as citizens who didn't sing "Happy Birthday" were shot

5. Read his congratulatory telegram from Satan

4. Saw "The Object of My Affection" -- loved it, loved it, loved it!

3. Played his favorite party game, "Pin the Stead Knife on the Cowardly Traitor"

2. Had a few U.N. dudes in to "his toilet"

1 He got bombed


Saddam's Top Ten Conditions for Quitting Kuwait (1991)

10) Syria must give control of Lebanon back to Lebanon, which must in turn give control back to Phoenicia.

9) The US must sell Alaska back to Russia and the Louisiana Purchase back to France.

8) Saudi Arabia must pay for all the Scuds that were fired at it to liberate Palestine.

7) The Pope must convert to Islam (or at least Baathism).

6) All Israeli Jews must tread water in the Mediterranean Sea for 40 years.

5) Spain must give back much of its land to the Moors.

4) Kuwait must reimburse Iraq for the costs of transporting Iraqi troops into Kuwait and Kuwaiti goods into Iraq.

3) The Kurds must repay Iraq's expenses incurred while dropping poison gas on them.

2) King Fahd and Presidents Mubarak and Assad must have a mud wrestling match, with only the last man remaining in the ring being spared from execution.

And his most important condition:

1) George Bush must apologize to the UN General Assembly in drag.


Saddam Hussein on Late Night TV

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut." —Craig Kilborn

"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing, education – anything that's needed. Isn't that amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda – and it's for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if it works out." —Jay Leno

"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." —David Letterman

"President Bush's approval rating has dropped another five points just in the last week. It's now down to 58 percent. I'm not sure who should be more worried, Bush or Saddam Hussein." —Jay Leno

"Saddam Hussein has told his people that U.S. troops will commit suicide when they get to the gates of Baghdad. That's when you know you have a bad army, when your only hope for victory is that the enemy's troops kill themselves." —Jay Leno

"U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan says he can think of no reason to attack Iraq right now. I can think of five off the top of my head: Shell, Exxon, Mobil, Texaco and BP." —Jay Leno

"President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's going to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't I?" —Jay Leno

"In California, 50 women protested the im pending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word peace. Right idea, wrong president." —Jay Leno

"As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil, it's about gasoline." —Jay Leno

"U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this?" —Jay Leno

"According to military analysts, an invasion of Iraq by U.S. forces could cost between $20 and $50 billion. The Pentagon announced that it would offset those costs by referring to it as the Verizon Wireless/Pizza Hut War Against Iraq." —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Saddam Hussein has agreed to let UN weapons inspectors in Iraq. But he also said under no circumstances will Geraldo be let back in the country." —Conan O'Brien

"They are trying to get that crazy guy Saddam Hussein into exile. So far, the only offer he has is two weeks on Sean Penn's couch." —David Letterman

"The latest rumor is the United States is working behind the scenes to try to find a 'safe haven' for Saddam Hussein. See if he agrees to step down and leave Iraq, we will relocate him. What a nightmare, where are you going to send a guy who thinks America is a nest of greedy imperialists intent on bleeding the third world of all their resources? I mean, besides Berkeley?" —Jay Leno

"Some would argue that the president himself benefited from a form of affirmative action because as a C student, he only got into Yale because his father was a wealthy alumnus. But the White House counters that Saddam is a menace and must be stopped." —Jon Stewart

"The bill gives the president the power to wage war on Iraq — or, as President Bush calls it, "Operation Re-election.'" —Jay Leno, on the vote in Congress to authorize war against Iraq

"President Bush gave his speech outlining the case against Iraq, and the Fox network was the only major network to televise the president's address. Not surprisingly, Fox insisted on calling the speech 'When Presidents Attack.'" —Conan O'Brien

"It's like they're the Wal-Mart of evil." —Jon Stewart, commenting on President Bush's description of Iraq as a country that "gathers the most serious dangers of our age in one place"

"More and more information coming out on Saddam Hussein. We now know that he has, like, 24 presidential palaces. Each one of these palaces of Saddam's has a dolphin pool and an amusement park. Well, if you didn't think this guy was creepy before — now he's starting to sound like Michael Jackson." —David Letterman

"President Bush is asking Congress for permission to wage war on Iraq. Some members of Congress are reluctant to go along with the plan so far. All Bush needs to do is remind these guys that, in Iraq, an adulterer gets stoned to death." —Jay Leno

"What was left unclear...is what will happen after Saddam is gone? Democracy seems unlikely, so the hope is that Saddam will be replaced by a more pliable leader, someone we can work with to keep the country under control, maintain regional balance of power. Someone sympathetic, secular, someone like, oh...1982 Saddam." —Jon Stewart

"More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy — he's one of their own." —Jay Leno

"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news — they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel." —David Letterman

"Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed and announced plans to bomb Ohio." —Jay Leno

"President Bush said it's now time for a change in Iraq and he wants them to have a Western-style democracy like ours. So right now in Iraq, the economy is collapsing, businessmen are corrupt, and Hussein wants his son to take over as president. Sounds like mission accomplished." —Jay Leno

"Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had incentive to bomb Iraq before, imagine if Congress was over there." —Jay Leno

"The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up." —Jay Leno

"The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army." —Conan O'Brien

"Germany is now saying that they won’t go along with an invasion of Iraq. However, they did say they would go along if the invasion included Poland, France and Belgium." —Jay Leno

"A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bush's dad. How embarrassing, when world leaders start calling your father." —Jay Leno

"Bush said he wants a change so that the people of Iraq will be allowed to choose their own leaders. Good luck, we can't even get the people of Florida to choose their own leaders." —Jay Leno

"I never give my opinion on political matters, but before we bomb Iraq, let's wait two weeks until Geraldo is over there." —Craig Kilborn

"The Bush administration has apparently approved a plan to oust Saddam Hussein. I think that's President Bush's Father's Day gift to his Dad." —Jay Leno

"Saddam Hussein has raised the amount going to suicide bombers from $10 thousand dollars to $25 thousand. What's next, a health care plan?" —Jay Leno

"The U.S. and several of our allies have been trying to secretly to convince Saddam Hussein to step down from power and go into exile forever. It's called 'Operation Al Gore.'" —Jay Leno

"The New York Times is reporting that the Bush administration has a post-war plan to turn Iraq into a democracy. If the plan works it might be tried in Florida." —Conan O'Brien

"Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg." —David Letterman

"Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign manager, Jeb Hussein." —Jay Leno

"Here's something dreadful I heard about. You know these suicide bombers. Turns out Saddam Hussein is paying these people. He's paying people money to blow themselves up. Isn't that nuts? Isn't that just bizarre? More bizarre than that, recently he increased their salary. The increase is $10,000 to $25,000 for a suicide bombing. Coincidentally, that's the same deal I signed up for with CBS." —David Letterman

"Thanks for coming out on such a hot day. I was sweating like Saddam Hussein watching Bush's poll numbers drop." —Jay Leno

"President Bush gave his speech outlining the case against Iraq, and the Fox network was the only major network to televise the president's address. Not surprisingly, Fox insisted on calling the speech 'When Presidents Attack.'" —Conan O'Brien

"It's like they're the Wal-Mart of evil." —Jon Stewart, commenting on President Bush's description of Iraq as a country that "gathers the most serious dangers of our age in one place"

"Scores of Iraqi exiles met in London to discuss ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein in a grand gathering dubbed the 'Iraqi Military Alliance Meeting.' Of course, these people are no longer Iraqi, they have no military, and there is no alliance. But they did have a meeting." —Jon Stewart

"What was left unclear...is what will happen after Saddam is gone? Democracy seems unlikely, so the hope is that Saddam will be replaced by a more pliable leader, someone we can work with to keep the country under control, maintain regional balance of power. Someone sympathetic, secular, someone like, oh...1982 Saddam." —Jon Stewart

"In a bizarre move, Saddam Hussein has released all prisoners being held in Iraqi jails. Isn't that amazing? Iraq has prisoners that are still alive." —Jay Leno

"Isn't it funny how people say they'll never grow up to be their parents, then one day they look in the mirror and they're moving aircraft carriers into the Gulf region?" —from The Onion's "question man" about President Bush's plans for war with Iraq

"The New York Times is reporting that President Bush now has a formal plan for attacking Iraq. They say the key to this plan is timing. As soon as Bush's popularity falls below 52 percent, then it goes into effect." —Jay Leno, July 2002

"Saddam claimed that after the massive air bombing he had talked to God in his bunker 60 feet underground. I don't believe it: when you are 60 feet underground, it is not God!" —Jay Leno


A cheeky peace protest

Go on, turn the other cheek!

Volunteering to be a human shield may not be everyone's cup of tea but that doesn't mean you can't make a difference. This group of cheeky young Londonites decided to pass up on the Sunday lunchtime gathering at O'Neils and headed to Ashdown Forest for their very own saucy protest.

Click here for more images and the story -


MASTURBATE FOR PEACE

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com
petitions, bumper stickers, poetry, etc.
  • Three times a day keeps war at bay
  • Save our nation through masturbation
  • A stroke a day keeps the bombs away
  • All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Hand
  • Don't Sweat the Petty Stuff, Pet the Sweaty Stuff
  • I'm going blind for mankind
  • If you can still read this, you aren't masturbating enough

Something for Christmas, as sung by S. Hussein

I shot a mother in the head;
Somebody snitched on me.
I hid a nuke under my bed;
Somebody snitched on me.
I spilled some brains on a prayer rug;
I made Uday eat a bug;
Called George Bush a two-bit thug;
Somebody snitched on me.

Oh, I'm making smallpox for Christmas
I ain't been nuttin' but bad.
I'm making smallpox for Christmas
And I'm getting help from Riyadh.

Made a rug from a panda bear
Somebody snitched on me.
I stole all of Hans Blix's hair
Somebody snitched on me.
I hid all of my weapons plants
Put a fish down Kofi's pants
Fed a Kurd to some fire ants
Somebody snitched on me.

Oh, I'm making smallpox for Christmas
Sontag and Chomsky are glad.
I'm making smallpox for Christmas
And I'm getting help from Riyadh.

This year I will play Santa Claus;
Expect a gift from me.
You can't stop me or it because
You didn't come for me
Now is too little too late;
And you'll have to sit and wait
They'll call me Saddam the Great;
In downtown Berkeley.

So you better appease whatever you do
'Cause if you don't, I'm warning you,
You'll catch something for Christmas.


'Twas the night before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Iraq
Not a weapon was firing, not even ack-ack;
The white flags were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Uncle Sam's men soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of freedom danced in their heads;
And mamma in her chador, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the city there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a Scud,
Tore open the shutters, expecting some blood.

The flares in the sky, with their actinic glow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a camouflaged sleigh, and four big-ass mule deer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it wasn't Hans Blix.
In company with eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"On Warthog! on Hornet! on Phantom and Tomcat!
Don't fuck with St. Nick when it comes to air combat!"
To the top of the bunker! to the top of the wall!
Now bombs away! bombs away! bombs away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So right over Baghdad the coursers they flew,
That sleigh, full of Jarheads, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each mule deer hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in camo, from his boots to his hat,
And to and fro, in his hand, swung an aluminum bat,
A bunch of grenades he had stowed in his sack,
One he tossed into the air, then gave it a whack

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
As the grenades soared like hawks out of their eyrie!
Flew out of my window and across the street,
Forcing the Republican Guard to retreat.

The stump of a stogie was held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke of it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a big bandoleer, chock full of napalm
That he took out and rubbed on his mouth as lip balm.

He was muscled and svelte, a right deadly old elf,
And I cringed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his chore;
Pointing out Saddam for the men of the Corps.
"I know where's he's been sleeping, now so do his foes."
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and we own the night!

And when he'd drawn all the fire from Baghdad below.
The Marines he'd come with snuck in Saddam's chateau,
They left coal in his stocking, then cut off his head,
And left it beside Uday, asleep in his bed.

We awoke in the morning with troops everywhere,
passing out chocolate to the kids in the square,
Christmas trees in our houses, with presents galore,
And the word on the street was "Santa's hardcore".


 


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FIVE EXCELLENT REASONS TO BLOW YOURSELF UP...
...and go to Paradise!
 



ISLAMIC
APRIL FOOLS

 




A CHEEKY PEACE PROTEST IN NEW YORK
And you thought the world has run out of cheeks to turn!
 



AREA NECROMANCER
REVEALS BIN LADEN
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FAKE ID GENERATOR
for unimaginative al Qaeda operatives
 

 



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