believe that a "martyr" (shaheed) who
dies in the holy war (jihad) against the infidels
goes to paradise where he is given 72 beautiful
virgins for wives plus a number of never aging boys
for slaves (apparently, pedophilia is allowed in
paradise as well as slavery and polygamy). In an
interesting twist, if a woman dies as a martyr,
she is rewarded with only one husband since women
are supposed to stay monogamous even in heaven --
according to the same fundamentalist doctrine...
SNAKE IN THE PANTS
AHMED: Mohammed, quick! Where is my book on venomous Afghan snakes?
MOHAMMED: What book?
AHMED: The serpent crept up as I knelt for a prayer. I need that book,
MOHAMMED: The only book you need, Ahmed, is the Koran.
AHMED: Maybe Osama can help? Go ask him, Mohammed.
MOHAMMED: You really want Osama to see this?
AHMED: O Allah, don't let me die like this! I'm still a virgin…
because… this snake doesn't count, all right?
AHMED: Sheep and gazelles don't count… Baboons and aardvarks
don't count… And that one hyena, all right? Wait - is that my
book on afghan snakes?
AHMED: Praise be to Allah! Of all the snakes in Afghanistan I picked
the one without venom… Thank you, snake!
MOHAMMED: (to Osama bin Laden) Are you absolutely sure Allah would
want me to suck the venom out of Ahmed's penis? Even though his sex
with the snake was not - I repeat - NOT consensual?
OSAMA: Do you want ME to go and suck Ahmed's penis? I didn't think
so. Now go and suck Ahmed's penis.
MOHAMMED: Osama says there's no cure available and you're going to
die. So i asked him, if you die from having sex with a snake, do you
still get credit for the virgins ? and he said
yes, sure, ahmed will get his 72 virgins. You lucky stiff !
AHMED: (to snake) Well, snake - thanks for nothing!