The persons & events
in this story are fictitious. Any similarity to
actual persons or events is unintentional.
TO THE BRONX ZOO
A&M, with large backpacks, dynamite sticks showing,
in the aisle between the cages.
MOHAMMED: What a smell! The diversity of species
has been growing ever since the infidels invented
the evolution. We're in the heart of the evil laboratory
of the Western mind.
AHMED: I thought it was a melting pot…
MOHAMMED: Remember that doctor we stoned in Kabul?
He claimed that man had descended from animals.
What a scam! How can we possibly be related?
AHMED: Well... Remember how goats always followed
me around in Tora Bora?
MOHAMMED: The goats followed you because you never
bathed. I say, if these beasts can do camel's work
they're redundant. If they can't they're useless.
Besides, they smell.
At the warthog's cage.
AHMED: You see, Mohammed, the anal glands of many
mammals secrete special substances called pheromones,
which signal reproductive readiness by scent to
members of the opposite sex.
At the warthog's cage.
AHMED: Aw, look! She's sniffing my jubi-jubi. Are
you sure Allah wants us to blow her up?
MOHAMMED: That smell is coming from you, Ahmed!
Don't you know the Koran instructs us to wash up
every forty days?
AHMED: You're not listening! That doctor in Kabul
- he told me I had a rare case of animal magnetism
caused by this anal gland that produced odors...
That's the most ancient form of animal communication.
MOHAMMED: He made that up to get up your ass --
that's why we stoned him. We are not animals, end
at the giraffe cage. (Zoomed out).
MOHAMMED: Are you seriously suggesting that your
smell arouses animals?
AHMED: Works like a magnet. Look at those legs.
I think she likes me.
The giraffe lowers his head to Ahmed's backpack
and pulls out a garland of dynamite sticks tied
AHMED: I told you my pheromones were irresistible!
Monkey grabs Ahmed from behind.
MOHAMMED: Anal gland, eh? What kind of jihadist
are you anyway?
AHMED: He started it!
Monkey throws a piece of turd at Ahmed.
MOHAMMED: You should've joined al PETA, my friend,
not al Qaeda!
AHMED: We better run before the elephant smells
A&M are running, distressed. EXIT sign behind
AHMED: To stop the evolution by blowing up the zoo???
What were we thinking!
MOHAMMED: I want to see that anal gland when we