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Questions and Answers

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

Q: Why did France ban fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Last night's display caused soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender.

Q: How do you get France involved in a war with Iraq?
A: You must first convince them that Saddam is hiding fields of truffles.

Q: What do you call a group of 100,000 Frenchman with their hands in the air?
A: The French Army

Q: How many French men does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows, no French man has ever tried.

Q: Why does the new French Navy have glassbottom boats?
A: So they can see the old French Navy....

Q: How can you recognise a French veteran?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q: Did you hear about the old French rifles for sale on Ebay?
A: Never been fired, dropped only once.

Q: How many gears in a French tank?
A: Six: five reverse and one forward, in case they are attacked from behind.

Charles DeGaulle and Lyndon Johnson

In 1966 upon being told that Charles DeGaulle had taken France out of NATO and that all U.S. Troops must be evacuated off of French soil, President Lyndon Johnson told Secretary of State Dean Rusk to ask him about the cemeteries! So at end of the meeting Dean did ask De Gaulle if his order to remove all U S. troops from French soil also included the 60,000+ soldiers buried in France from World War I and World War II. De Gaulle never answered.


"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country"
~ Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
~ General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
~ Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
~ Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
~ Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
~ Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
~ Regis Philbin

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
~ John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
~ Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"
~ Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
~ David Letterman

"The next time there is a war the loser has to keep France."
~ Anonymous

"France is now being hit by an extreme heat wave, so the French government is advising its citizens to "stay indoors and do nothing". You know, like they did in WWII...."
~ Jay Leno, a few summers ago

French National Security Levels

After the terrorist attack in Madrid that provoked 200 deads, France has decided to increase the National Alert Level from "Run" to "Hide". The only 2 more severe alert levels, according to the French security system, are "Surrender" and "Collaboration".


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